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Change: Are you Blocking it?

Change: Are you Blocking it?

change
Photo by wallyir at Morguefile.com

Yup, change can be challenging.

It may be inevitable, it might happen every day; that doesn’t mean it’s comfortable.

Nine times out of ten it’s not entirely unexpected. Something will come up to indicate change is on the horizon.

Sometimes challenges are presented as old wounds or fears getting triggered. Sometimes you begin to feel resistance to activities, people or situations that used to light you up.

Are you aware of the signs? If so, how good are you at instigating the actions needed to move towards change? If not, have you developed habits designed to resist change, which now stand between you and the life you desire?

It takes conscious, mindful attention to work with the flows of energy moving through your life on a daily basis. You’re not meant to be a static, stationary being. You’re designed to travel dynamically through life, exploring and tasting the variety of sensations and experiences offered each moment.

The following are a few common habits that may be keeping you from making changes in your life that lead you towards your goals and desires.

1) No change in the ‘same old, same old’ routine:

Albert Einstein said, ‘The definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results.’

It’s not always easy to recognize when you’re approaching things from the same angle, because the problem or situation may at first appear to be different. For example, some people leave one (unwanted) relationship to find themselves immediately in another, ‘better’ one. The situation might appear different (the partner has changed, the home may have changed, etc), but if you haven’t changed the way you approach the act of relating and the recurring patterns that caused issues in the past, you’ll quickly find yourself in a very familiar situation.

In other words, the common denominator in all your life experiences is YOU. It’s not easy to look at ways you’ve blocked yourself from changing, because it often involves facing some ‘dark’ stuff you’d rather not face. It feels easier on the surface to ditch the whole situation and start fresh. Everything seems peachy when it’s new and apparently problem-free. It’s called ‘the grass is greener…’ syndrome.

To see if you can shift your perspective and allow new, unforeseen potentials to show themselves, start bringing consciousness to the challenges in your life. See if the act of looking at things from multiple angles allows for things to change in miraculous ways, with minimal effort and discomfort. Take responsibility for your role in challenges and be willing to look at how habitual patterning may have contributed to each situation.

2) Using your mind to ‘logic it out’:

Brains are truly amazing things, however, they don’t have all the answers. Humans minds are full of inter-generational beliefs, wounds, projections, collective norms, and all kinds of other goodies that get in the way of creatively feeling your way to a solution.

Sometimes you don’t want to face impending changes, so you ignore the urges in your heart and soul and rationalize reasons not to change. It feels easier to push through discomfort or deny pain by thinking it out rather than feeling it out. That’s okay, it’s natural to want to avoid hurtful situations or revelations. Eventually the urges to change knock a little louder until you’re forced to listen.

A combination of mind and heart is the best mixture to solve any problem.

When you drop the need to be right or the need for external validation and access your heart’s wisdom, you’ll find the two work beautifully in harmony. Your ego finds all kinds of fun ways to present blocks as ways to keep you safe. Habits that are so deeply ingrained feel like fixed aspects of who you are. When you trust your feelings as a guide, you can distinguish the sound of the fear-based ego from the voice of reason that dwells deep within.

Step back from trying to solve problems and see what happens. In the act of surrendering rational thought, you leave room for other solutions to present themselves.

3) Hanging out in the relative safety of familiar fear:

There are so many things we’re taught to fear, and still other fears that develop as we explore different experiences in our lives. In holding on to stories of past hurts, failures and disappointments, you can develop a whole slew of reasons not to try new things. You might learn to avoid certain choices that potentially lead to pain.

Once you shift your perspective to encompass a broader view, with every experience as a vital lesson in your expansion, you move from fear to enthusiastic engagement with life. When you acknowledge and integrate wisdom from past experiences, whatever arrives is different. It reflects the inner changes you’ve been through to clear away old patterning and beliefs, and allows you to grow in new ways.

If you fear you’ll only draw the same pattern to you and experience the same disappointment, you’re in a state of constriction that more or less guarantees you’ll find what you expect. This is not to say you deserve ‘bad’ things; it’s to say that your belief in your story perpetuates it. This is a habitual safety zone. As much as it might bring ‘undesired’ situations to you, it is a familiar energy that some part of you has deemed safe.

To shift from it, you can rewrite your old stories to incorporate the lessons and wisdom of the old and leave the rest behind.

4) Not following through:

Are you full of great ideas and consistently create wonderful things, only to find you give up if they don’t receive the response you’d hoped? Do you fill pages with cool ideas and never begin the projects?

This is also rooted in the comfort of the familiar, that safety zone where it feels easy and secure to dream up ideas but not to put them out in the world. What fear is behind this? Is it a fear of rejection that holds you back? A fear of success? It’s a good idea to look at what’s blocking your ability to follow-through. What’s happened in your life that’s left you feeling like the world isn’t safe for your creations?

Looking at patterns, wounds and early experiences can help uncover the roots of the block. Perhaps an offhanded comment by a parent or teacher inadvertently left you feeling inadequate. Perhaps consistent messaging from someone you admired led you to believe that you were undeserving of success, happiness or love.

Wherever the root lies, ask yourself if it’s really true. You’ll know by how you feel. Most likely, the root is something projected onto you by another and accepted by part of you as the truth. This has then been used to keep you safe from proving it to be true (which is the fear).

5) The Art of Self-sabotage:

The habit of self-sabotage can stem from multiple reasons (or excuses), and manifests in many different ways. Think of addictions and rationalizations as ways to sabotage yourself from making changes. What about habitual descriptions of yourself (or another) in one way which avoids looking at other sides of the story?

Fear of the unknown, of failure, of success, of intimacy, of connection, of disconnection; all of these can lead to self-sabotage that keeps you from facing the underlying fear. These fears may be yours, or they may have been instilled by someone or something external, and adopted by you as part of the truth.

What does self-sabotage look like?

It can look like avoidance of a person, task or issue that causes unwanted feelings to arise. You might find 101 reasons not to do something and no reasons to do it. It can look like making busy work a priority over connections with others or soul-fulfilling work. There are many ways it can show up in your life, and you’re the only one who truly knows how it looks to you.

Look at your daily tasks and habits to see if they’re in alignment with your true needs and desires. Anything that feels like it’s filling a perceived hole or masking a problem without addressing it may be self-sabotage. Chances are, it’s only exacerbating the underlying issue.

Sometimes all that’s needed to instigate larger shifts is a small change in perception.

Big Love,
~ Jenny

* I am the author of this post. You might find the original version, which was used with my permission without attribution, on Your Earth Angel (yourearthangel.com) *

Change or Spiritual Awakening?

Change or Spiritual Awakening?

wave; change
Image by © Royalty-Free/Corbis

Change is one of life’s constants; there is no being on this planet that hasn’t experienced it in one way or another, every day of their lives.

Not all changes are created equal.

Some feel easy, like a gentle curve in a country road, leading in a new direction. They flow into and out of your life with little commotion, leaving you feeling fresh and invigorated.

Others blow through your life like a tempest, tearing you out of the comfortably familiar sameness and razing the foundations on which you’ve built your life to this point. They’re destructive, cathartic, and life-changing.

These are the changes where you know you’ve reached the point of no return. You walk away feeling raw; transformed by the process of being stripped soul-level naked, knowing that life will never be the same. Like a phoenix, burnt by the flames to be born anew in the ashes.

A Reinvention of Self and life

These are the changes that challenge you in ways you didn’t know existed. They may lead you into the darkest shadows of your soul, through poverty or into a grief so deep it feels bottomless. They offer you the opportunity to face your power, to access the parts of you you’ve buried, perhaps for lifetimes, under the status quo and the many ways you’ve tried to ‘fit’ into external structures and definitions.

These are the changes that ask you to face the truth of yourself and of what you’ve taken as reality. They force you to question everything you’ve ever known, and to be prepared to surrender the things you thought were fixed (including your personality, your stories, and who and how you are in the world). They move you, they mould you, and they transform who you thought you were.

These changes can have many names: catharsis, dark night of the soul, rock bottom, turning point, tipping point, crisis point, or psycho-spiritual crisis. It’s all the same thing; that point at which something in you decides the way you’ve been going is no longer working. It can feel traumatic, or easy, depending how attached you are to the way things are and have been. These are the changes that thrust you into a spiritual awakening.

They come in all shapes and sizes and can be triggered by a multitude of things: relationship breakups, the death of a loved one, or hitting rock bottom with an addiction. They look different to each and every person who undergoes them.

The Spiritual Component

The thing these changes have in common is that they feel significant in a way that’s difficult to articulate. They often involve recognition or intervention of a higher power. You feel connected to something outside of the 3rd dimensional, physical reality you see, hear and touch.

There is regularly a sense that while this feels like one of the worst times you’ve been through, there’s something larger at play offering immense expansion and fresh perspectives. Afterwards, the emerging feelings of freedom and newness reiterate this sense that it may have been the best thing that’s ever happened, in spite of how challenging it felt at the time. There’s an acceptance of the challenges as aspects of your empowerment, and a deep inner knowing that this has transformed your worldview profoundly.

In every moment of life’s challenges, you’re given opportunities to awaken buried parts of yourself that lead to more expanded and empowered ways of being in the world. You’ll be shown new perspectives which felt unattainable from your previous, limited perspective. They were always there, you just couldn’t see them from where you were.

The Gifts of Change

You’ll find you approach problems or relationships in new ways that in turn transform the way others relate to you. A deep and all-encompassing compassion and love sets in and flows to all of existence. Perhaps you discover a desire to spread that love in some way. You may feel tuned in to intuitive messages that guide you more lovingly than your ego mind and ingrained beliefs.

call
Photo by imelenchon at Morguefile.com

As if the changes you’ve been through weren’t enough, you may find a desire to move to new places or new ways of supporting yourself arises. It may even feel like a calling, a desire so strong and undeniable that it becomes almost obsessive.

Anything less than passion and joy doesn’t feel like a good enough reason to do anything. You may grow bored with things you used to enjoy, and your soul longs for deep connection and meaning.

Sometimes, you feel cast adrift, seemingly alone for months or years as your soul does its work to integrate the constantly flowing wisdom and insights moving through your newly-cleared channel.

The choices you make may appear crazy, ridiculous or terrifying to others, such as leaving a permanent job with no alternative and moving to a new country. You might begin to discover you have gifts in healing, intuitive arts or psychic mediumship. Synchronicities like numbers lining up on clocks and other electronics become beacons that light your way.

You in all your Glory

Your whole worldview has shifted, to incorporate multi-dimensional aspects of yourself that were always there, lurking in the shadows until you were ready to recognise them. The changes that came like a whirlwind through your life served as a mode of delivery, so that whatever higher power exists for you could remind you of your most expansive, delicious truth.

In the moment you surrendered to the change, you said yes to the adventure that waited. You opened the door for radical transformation to blow through your life and offer you expansion and infinite potential.

Once you accept that a profound shift has taken place within you, you’re called to take responsibility for aspects of yourself you may have denied or discarded along the way. They may be called ‘positive’ or ‘negative’, yet they all feel the same to you. In those things are pieces of your power, lessons learned and growth acquired that have shaped you and changed you. You may discover you feel softer, more open and connected to everyone and everything in a way you’ve never experienced.

The yearning begins for connections with people who really ‘get’ you. You’ll listen to your heart’s intuitive knowing to find those with whom you share a soul bond. You might begin to feel frustration that old friends and family don’t ‘see’ you, or feel the need to distance yourself from them for a while.

It may start to feel like the way you saw the world before was a strange and surreal dream, a long-forgotten story about someone else’s life. When everyone else around you still believes the ‘dream,’ it can feel confusing. You might get pulled back into the old for a while, until it feels untenable.

Change as Rebirth

This change will feel like a complete rebirth, as if you’re building your life from the ground up. The old foundations of understanding and self have been destroyed. It’s challenging to stand in a place filled with infinite potential when you’re used to a more limited worldview. How do you choose, when there are so many things to choose from?

Perhaps it also helps to know there are no wrong choices. You can try something on for a while and reject it if it doesn’t work. There’s a freedom in the process of deep change that opens you up to flow. Until you develop a trust in yourself and the new, you may be pulled back into old, familiar choices and habits, because they’re all you knew, before.

The beauty of the process is that you’ll recognize when things aren’t serving you because you’ll feel the dissonance in your whole being. Whereas once you might have whole-heartedly believed that what you got was all you deserved, you know differently now. You don’t know how you know, but you do. You have an understanding that whatever came before offered you the chance to learn and grow beyond your perceived limitations.

The changes in your life might not be immediate. You still have to eat and pay bills. You may want to spin magic 24 hours a day, and that can lead to frustration when the old reality infringes on the new. Nothing will ever be the same, but it might on the surface look the same.

The Power of Change

As you stay aligned with the newness of your experience, you find new ways of approaching situations arise and open up more possibility. The surrendered state you experienced during the process serves you well afterwards, too. You develop a deep and embodied sense of trust in your own knowing that guides you towards every decision.

Remember this, if nothing else: there is no one way to navigate a spiritual awakening. There are many resources out there offering support and guidance if you choose to follow the process towards deeper understanding. Movement can help, and finding other people who’ve undergone a similar experience. Looking for an intuitive healer or counsellor can help with integration of the immense amounts of energy you’ve moved through your bodies. You’ll know what you need, if you’re willing to pay attention and trust.

The process is truly beautiful. If you allow yourself to be transformed, you’ll never look at life the same again.

Big Love,
~ Jenny

* I am the author of this post. You might find the original version, which was used with my permission without attribution, on Your Earth Angel (yourearthangel.com) *

Building Healthier Relationships

Building Healthier Relationships

What does the word ‘relationship’ really mean? You’re connected to everyone and everything; in other words, you’re in relationship with everything in existence. The world is a mirror, into which you look and observe yourself experiencing. Fun, eh?

Breaking this concept down, whoever comes into your life is an expression of some aspect of yourself. Every meeting (re)presents an opportunity for growth and expansion. The key to healthier relationships with others is to get clear on your own patterning.

The reason you may be attracted to toxic or unhealthy situations is because they’re in some way familiar, and feel comfortable (even while they also feel very wrong). The familiarity can be extremely subtle, so unless you can look honestly and consciously at the root of the pattern in yourself, you’ll continue to draw in the same thing repeatedly.

You’re an energetic being, picking up information from thousands of sources every day. All of these are unconsciously added to the way you define yourself in the world until you realize this is the case and work on remembering the core truth beneath.

Let’s look at a specific example. domestication; relationshipAbuse is surprisingly common, and comes in many forms. It’s often described as a cycle, which speaks to the nature of unconscious, ingrained patterning.

If you grow up in a household where the underlying message is that you’re unworthy of love and respect, that’s the normal you’ll know. The beliefs that started as someone else’s were deeply entrenched in your body, mind and spirit, and have become part of your own underlying belief system.

The Divine Catch-22

Once the seeds have taken root, they grow freely, and become intensified by continued reflections of the truth of them. In other words, if you believe 100% that you are unworthy of love and respect, that becomes the basis for your way of being in the world. You’ll then draw to you reflections of that, which become evidence; your beliefs attract external support to prove to you the ‘truth’ of your beliefs.

The challenge is consciously acknowledging that your beliefs are the attraction point. This is not to say your belief in your unworthiness is true. It’s the opposite – it’s causing the experiences that compound your belief in it.

Breaking Free

How do you break free from the seemingly endless loop of belief-echoing experiences? You begin to change your story, one small step at a time. Everything begins (and ends) with you. I’ll repeat that, because it’s vital; everything begins (and ends) with you.

It takes courage to acknowledge your own accountability and responsibility when all you’ve experienced have been unhealthy relationships. Taking responsibility does not mean claiming fault for having been abused. Being accountable does not entail excusing or claiming ownership of others’ bad behaviour. Personal responsibility and accountability are steps towards your empowerment and changing old patterning.

You can allow yourself to be accountable for not having set boundaries as clearly as you would have liked. Did you compromise your boundaries to keep the peace? Now you can take responsibility for your beliefs and mindset going forward, because once you know, you can choose differently.

Find the Common Denominator

If your past relationships have resulted in outcomes you didn’t love, use them as fodder for growth. The common denominator in all of them has been you, and you’re the only one you have the power to change.

In my own experience, I noticed a repetitive pattern of non-committal men in relationships. It wasn’t until I turned the lens on myself that I realized my own core beliefs of being unworthy of commitment were drawing that dynamic to me.

It wasn’t an easy realization; actually it hurt like hell, and involved some deep grieving and healing. It was also one of the most beautiful experiences in my life. This catharsis began a process of accessing and facing the false beliefs so that I could remember the real truth at my core: pure, shiny, glorious Love. This is the truth that exists at the core of ALL of us.

It takes courage to examine your patterns and beliefs under the microscope of truth. You’ll find things that are not remotely comfortable and you might find things that make you cringe. You’ll also find the beauty of you, underneath the layers of ‘stuff’ that’s been piled on from the outside, from family, institutions, experiences, you name it.

Once you find the beauty within you, make it the belief you build on. You’ll see changes in every aspect of your life.

Big Love,
~ Jenny

* I am the author of this post. You might find the original version, which was used with my permission without attribution, on Your Earth Angel (yourearthangel.com) *

Catharsis and the Art of Falling Apart

Catharsis and the Art of Falling Apart

Catharsis, breakdown, breakthrough, dark night of the soul, rock bottom, turning point, tipping point, crisis point, psycho-spiritual crisis;catharsis, fire, phoenix no matter what you call it, it’s the same thing.

It’s that point at which something in you decides the way you’ve been going is no longer going to work.

It can feel traumatic or easy, depending how attached you are to the way things are at present.

I’m writing about this process at the moment, and have had several years to ruminate over the different forms it can take. It all started with my own catharsis, which led me to examine my old ways of doing things in some serious detail.

I examined, and examined, and released and released and released…

What the process gave me was an opportunity to recognise the patterns around me that either lead to catharsis or look like a post-cathartic revelation.

It feels like the process of catharsis is akin to a microscope that hones in on your own stuff, so that you can let it go and feel the freedom of change. Then that lens gradually becomes wider, turning outwards so that the compassion and understanding you found (for yourself) through the process can be focussed on the world ‘outside.’

It’s a never-ending process, although the ‘big event’ catharses may only happen once (phew), and people learn to recognise when something needs to be let go. It doesn’t mean it necessarily gets easier, especially when it is something that is attached to feelings of security, identity or self-worth.

Self-worth is a tough one.

Examining self-worth

Sometimes people attach external value systems to their understandings of worthiness, and when those are gone, they feel completely without value in the world. Money is an obvious one; the sense that your intrinsic value comes from a random external figure declaring your capacity to earn or attract monetary wealth.

In this case, the loss of money would be an incredibly traumatic experience for someone with that attachment to the physical representation of wealth. Money, when broken down to its original intention, is nothing more or less than a tool to represent the exchange of energy.

The cyclical nature of the cathartic process is one of its most fascinating and important aspects.

It means that with each catharsis, change, spiral new experience of change or letting go, you can gain insight into what that powerful moment of transformation is teaching you. You can move forward to the next lesson knowing that you’re never perfect, never finished, but instead a work in progress.

You can allow yourself the freedom to make subsequent mistakes and gain a sense of presence in each encounter to identify how you might respond to it differently from the last time.

And next time, you can respond differently again.

If each time, you let go of one small block, old thought pattern or belief, you enter the next cycle lighter, freer and more conscious of the world around you and the connections that exist between you and the other beings that share our planet.

So what drives us to these moments of catharsis, and why can they feel so downright shitty?

My understanding of the process is mainly from my own experience and observations, and this is the root of what I’m after. Why, how, why now, why is it different for you and I?

Defining Rock Bottom

Each person has their own point of no return. What feels like devastation to one person may feel like a sunny afternoon in the park to another, and vice versa. I’m sure I’m not the only one who has asked herself how it is that someone can end up on the streets drug-addled and selling their body for the next fix, and maybe in some small corner of her mind wondering if it would ever be possible for her to end up in the same position.

I used to say we’re all only two or three choices away from homeless and destitute. I still believe it’s true. Three decisions, especially ones made with the belief that your choices are severely limited, can be the three that change the course of your future.

Yet everyday there are stories of addicts who hit their rock-bottom, whatever it was for them at that moment and on that day, and kicked the habit, changing their lives and outlooks to more positive and forward-moving ones. In that moment, that rock bottom, what happens?

I believe people surrender to the pain they’ve been running from for so long, and in that surrender, instead of finding the weakness they most feared, they find their strength, and the source of their power.

The things people fear most are many and varied, and each person will find their own, but the one thing I know for sure is that no matter how scary you think it is, when you get there and face it, it is not nearly as bad as you thought it would be.

The fear of what you fear is there is far worse than the thing itself.

Your Darkest Fears

For me, I believed what I would find there was the truth that I was worthless and unlovable (the result of years of abuse). It was frightening because I already believed it to be true, beyond the shadow of a doubt, and if I ‘went there’ it would be proven to me. Who wants that?

Instead what I found, when I at last surrendered to the flow of emotion, was that I am worthy simply because I exist (!) and I have an infinite capacity to give and receive love. Wow! Humungous.

So what did my catharsis look like, and how did I get there? Mine was triggered by the end of a relatiocatharsis, wave, changenship, and it looked like sobbing my guts out for months on end.

I got there through a string of relationships that looked very similar, but each time they became more extreme in one area so I finally had to sit up and listen.

I was always attracted to non-committal men. The less committed, the better.

I understand now that the pattern of non-commitment in a relationship is very much a two-way street. Someone who truly wants commitment would have no interest in someone who was not seeking the same. However, both parties believe what they want most is commitment, all the while sabotaging their own chances by believing somewhere they’re not worthy of the very thing they say they seek.

The Root of the Beliefs

At the root of my own belief system was the idea of total worthlessness, as well as three favourite descriptors used every day to describe me: stupid, fat, and useless. It’s hard not to internalise the things you’re told daily as a child, and I grew to embody those as much as possible, despite all external appearances to the contrary.

What I didn’t understand at the time was that the things people saw in me did not mirror the ‘reality’ of my own existence. I often felt confused when I did well at school and was adept at sports and languages, and picked up new skills easily.

I fully accepted the labels my abuser gave to me, which sped up the process of redefining me as something I was not.

From the perspective I have now, I can see that I gradually grew to embody the things I hated most about myself and acted in ways which reflected my beliefs about myself, even when they weren’t true. Because I believed I had no worth, I sought out people in relationships who did not value me. I took jobs below my abilities and qualifications because I believed that’s where I belonged, and would stay.

I didn’t apply for scholarships when I eventually went to University because I believed they were for the smart people. Despite getting A grades, I assumed I was in the lower portion of students because I had normalised the experience of stupidity to such an extent that other people were always smarter than me, no matter what evidence there was to refute that.

Normalising your Normal

The process of normalisation and acceptance was complete, yet I often felt frustration and confusion when I could grasp tasks others found difficult, or pass tests easily that others found challenging.

The ball was just not dropping.

As a teenager, I discovered alcohol, which I felt gave me the personality I was so sorely lacking. I had nothing interesting to add to a conversation, because everyone in the room was inevitably more intelligent and of more value than I was, according to my own beliefs. All through my twenties, I drank heavily, trying to turn the dullness of my own stupidity and worthlessness into some semblance of acceptable interaction.

There were flashes of understanding – the possibility of a different view – but I didn’t understand how to get there.

I’d become a victim of my own belief system, and in turn a victim of my circumstances. I can see now just how deeply I hated myself, or parts of me, or perhaps the struggle to get away from the pain of being two people at once. The alcohol was merely a tool for escape, and in turn a symptom of a much deeper need within me.

I don’t know if it’s true for everyone who grows up in an abusive household, but the worst part for me was not knowing what to expect. There were some days where you’d get the ‘nice’catharsis, wrong way version, and open yourself up to some trust and hope that things were turning around, only to then get the complete reversal of personality.

It was like having a rug constantly pulled out from under you, hoping one moment only to have your reality do a 180° turn to reveal a completely irrational, out-of-control monster version of your parent.

Reordering Reality

It wreaked havoc on my self-esteem and taught me to put myself aside to try to please whichever version presented itself.

As I went through the cathartic process of breaking down these old patterns and beliefs, I began to pinpoint the behaviours I’d adopted as self-protective mechanisms to keep the hurtful thoughts at bay.

I could see how I had shut off my ability to trust or to decipher who was trustworthy or not. It became obvious where I’d put everyone’s happiness ahead of my own and all authority outside of my personal knowing.

I had difficulty with the word no, for fear of offending people; accepting gifts or compliments was awkward because I didn’t feel deserving of them; I didn’t ask for help; I didn’t wish for good things because good things were for other people and not for me; so many ways I put myself last and others ahead of me.

Who would argue if I messed up job interviews or applications because I believed the other person deserved the position more than I did?

I sabotaged myself, so it wasn’t necessary for anyone else to do it for me. In the process, I reiterated the deeply-held beliefs that I’d always be less than, and always fail.

The way it played out in relationships was a slow stripping away of who I was to adopt a version of me I thought the other person wanted. It meant further suppression of my own needs and wants, and because that was how I had lived, it felt familiar, and it was easy. Crazy easy.

Catharsis as Consciousness

It’s sometimes the things most familiar to us that we believe are an intrinsic part of ourselves and the scariest to let go simply because of that familiarity.

It’s the fear of being without those things, which feel like old friends, that stops us from moving forward. ‘Who am I without this — ? I don’t know but it sounds frickin’ scary!’ The funny thing was in those relationships, the closer I got to who I thought they wanted, the further I got from the version of me they’d been attracted to in the first place. I consistently abandoned myself.

This is where catharsis comes in.

Life throws those familiar patterns in your face repeatedly and screams, ‘Look at this! Do you see what you’re doing/saying/thinking? Doesn’t it seem familiar? Wouldn’t you like to try something new?’

At first, you might start to notice there’s a repetitive pattern in your behaviour. If you’re deeply entrenched in the beliefs that got you to that point, you’ll likely feel it just IS, there’s no way to change it. So, the quality or quantity of the lessons is upped, bit by bit, becoming more and more extreme, obvious versions of what they’re there to teach you so they become harder to ignore.

At some point, something will drive you to the edge of your conscious understanding of the world and invite you to look over it.

What you find there is unique to you.

What I Found at the Edge

I found immense grief, associated with my father’s death and all the dreams I’d had and suppressed for others’ happiness. All the people I’d lost and pushed away, the potentials I’d ignored, the opportunities I felt I’d missed. I sobbed for months on end; the grief felt like it might never end, and I wondered if it would.

I took really long walks – three hours a day – which helped me reconnect through the Earth. I sought out a healing practitioner that could help me connect body, mind and spirit. What I needed was to reconnect with the parts of me I’d buried to survive in the situation I’d been born into.

What I learned was that the memories of things we hold in our minds, we also hold in our bodies and our consciousness. When we acknowledge and release them, healing can begin.

Once they’re gone, it’s not important what remains or what fills that space. The perspective is so incredibly different on the other side of catharsis that you never miss it.

It seems like choices open up all around you that never existed before, when in reality they were always there. With your limited perspective you were unable to see them.

In the depths of our darkness, we find the power to move forward. It has always been there, buried under layers of ‘should-a, could-a, would-a’s.

I know that the hardest thing to let go of is the fantasy of what could have been.

Surrender is Key

It’s the same with bereavement, with relationships, and with the things we believe about ourselves. In relationships, you want to hold on to the happy holidays or the beautiful sunsets you might have seen together. With bereavement, you wistfully consider the opportunities that person missed, or the chances you might have had to spend time watching them grow and enjoy life.

The act of surrendering means surrendering everything. This includes emotional attachment to the thing or memory itself (that’s the hard part). It hurts like crazy, but it’s so important, because ‘what if,’ and ‘what could have been,’ don’t exist. They never will.

Right now is the only moment that exists. Each breath in and out represents a new opportunity to embrace life to its fullest.

Big Love,
~ Jenny

*I’d be honoured to work with you in finding the gifts in your own transformative experiences. If you’d like more information, contact me using the form below, or visit the Intuitive Mentoring page.*

Questions? Comments? Please use the form below.

Big Love,

~ Jenny

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