There is so much magic in reconnecting with our integral selves. It’s so easy to lose sight of our core truths along the way, as we set them aside or don masks to be other things for other people, or perhaps to ‘fit in.’
One of the most painful things to lose sight of is trust, which is a state of innocent surrender. It involves detaching from what we believe our needs to be and allowing for what IS to flow. Knowing that as each new desire arises, it will be met with brilliant and abundant fulfilment.
There’s a Divine patience in Trust, because it crosses boundaries of space and time. There’s no need to rush the things we desire, because with Trust they’re delivered in ways we haven’t begun to imagine.
Children are blessed with a capacity for enormous open-hearted trust, and as life exposes them to different circumstances, they will either embrace it more completely or begin to shut themselves off from it. Fear creeps in from all angles, as parents, teachers and other authority figures train these young beings how to be ‘better’ people. This is good, this is bad; this is right, this is wrong; dark, light; up, down; we’re given the rules and expected to follow them.
Trust doesn’t follow rules; neither does it disdain them. It flows, naturally, magically, as we live in alignment with our hearts. From that state of surrender, there is no fear of lack or constriction, and there’s no need to ‘breach’ the rules. It knows what it feels like to deserve all the good things in our lives, it knows how it feels to exist in a state of Love, and to create from that beautiful energy of BEingness.
Rules have been imposed from without to control the potential outcome of our existence. ‘Without rules,’ people say, ‘there would be chaos, mayhem.’ Is this the truth? Why would people whose innate desire is for peace and happiness suddenly become rampaging hordes without these externally-defined structures? They wouldn’t, but we’ve been so entrained to shift our trust to these structures that appear to exist outside of ourselves, that we believe these fear-based assertions that we are lost without them.
When we surrender our ego-defined attachments to apparent structures, we move further into trust. It’s not easy, because there’s a sort of half-way ‘limbo land’ that leaves us feeling the visceral attachment to the things that keep us separate – our bodies, our homes, etc. All of these things require real, 3D things to support them. And yet, if we worry about HOW we will provide these things, we become tied to the rules again. The trust comes in allowing for all to be exactly as it needs to be. Who says you’ll lose your house if you quit your 9-5 job? That is not a given unless you trust it to be.
So the challenge is to not relinquish attachment to externally-defined structures until we feel the state of Trust towards what we desire. Otherwise the underlying trust in what we fear to be true will be the expression that is reflected in our outer experience, mirroring the level of surrender we’ve reached. In other words, if I decide to quit 9-5 jobs but on some level trust that’s the only way to support myself, I will find that to be true. So it’s not a lack of trust that drives us to remain attached to the rules, but a misdirected trust in the rules.
When we return to a state of innocent surrender, we may find the rules are more or less in line with our heart’s desires, and may have originally sprung up from a collective leaning towards Joy. Over time, they’ve become somehow distorted as a way to eschew personal responsibility. We have learned to measure our responsibility and integrity against an external gauge, which has skewed our internal alignment. In return for this adherence, we gain a false sense of security, as if we are protected and supported by whichever authority makes the rules.
It may also be that in a state of surrender, we shift through many expressions of external support. Leaning into Trust doesn’t mean life delivers to us exactly what we’ve envisioned and how. It may lead us into one experience and then back out, as we integrate internal patterning in ourselves that requires a whole new experience. Each shift we make means we’re seeing the external structures in new ways – they are useful as a guideline for how far we’ve stretched.
The underlying energy behind Trust is BEing where you are until it no longer feels right to remain. If you are fully present, you will know when it’s time to move on, and then the next step will show up. When it’s time to stop again, that will become clear. The deeper we move into our open hearts, expressing that out into the world, the more trust we exhibit. Anything that feels discordant is shifted from our experience to make room for greater resonance.
One of the joys I’ve taken from the beginning of my pilgrimage across France is being continuously referred to as ‘cette jeune fille’ (this young girl). At 46, it’s not how people regularly refer to me, but on the walk, I’m feeling a reconnection to that innocent state of surrender that apparently has been shining out of me in full force. People seem surprised to see me walking alone, with no idea of where I’ll sleep each night, no route planned, no set dates for how long I’ll be gone, walking the opposite direction on the trail… it kind of goes against the ‘rules.’ And yet I’m following the flow of my heart and the experiences I’ve had have been miraculous and soul-affirming. The more I trust, the more I feel like trusting.
I’ve also come to understand that trust cannot be faked. It’s not something that just lines up if we say it often enough. It is felt on every level of our beings, as a connection to infinite potential. And sometimes that slips, and we feel lost momentarily, or for a while. The beautiful thing is, we can always regain it by surrendering to the moment and allowing the flow to carry us back to where we feel it again.
Take that next step, pilgrim, and trust the magic that rises up to meet you.
And what better way to celebrate than with a song?
(‘Return to Innocence’ by Enigma – from youTube)